Time to Say Goodbye: 2015

These are simultaneously the most beautiful weeks and the most heartbreaking weeks of the entire school year. Las Despedidas (the Farewells). (Pictures to come)

Several members of our close-knit school community are transitioning out. For some, we've known for awhile that they were leaving after this school year. For months, we held tight to those precious moments together, those "normal" ways that these people are regularly part of our lives and daily interactions. Meanwhile, we've been pushing back the thoughts that want to burst into tears, thinking that next year, these moments won't be the same. In fact, these experiences might never exist again.

One of the best parts of living in an international Christian community is the depth of relationships that are formed. As we say good-bye, we celebrate what these people have offered us, this season of being neighbors and face-to-face friends, and we are so thankful to have been loved so well.

So this piece is dedicated to those people:

As I stand here, at our final goodbye dinner, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I have been surrounded by "these people."

The people who greet you at the airport, introduce you to the local stores, and walk you through Albrook Mall without getting lost.

The people who show you how the bill system works, where the bus stop lunch place is, and how to navigate your way through the Circle of Death.

The people who share countless road trips cross-country Panama, exploring Spanish ruins, black sand beaches, coffee plantations, and the all important Quesos Chela!

The people who you exchange smiles with at morning devotions, knowing what they're thinking without them saying it. The people whose laugh you hear in the hallway, and you're drawn out of your seclusion to join them in reminiscing over student antics or simply celebrating all that is life.

The people that invite you into their family life and spend time counseling and sharing honest stories long after the kids have gone to bed. 

The people who were newbies at the same time as you--with whom you shared many firsts and lots of laughter at failed attempts and U-turns. 

The people who witnessed and encouraged the healing and transformation process from when you first came, and the people who lovingly and patiently helped shape who you are today.

The people who ultimately reminded you that you had purpose and to not give up. 
"God's story is not finished."

These people are leaving.. 

They are leaving their mantle,
passing the baton, appointing the next in line. 

The goodbye is not easy. Like velcro ripping away. The sound lingers long after these people leave, the thoughtful memories and throwbacks to earlier times.

These people leave
us with inspiration: "What does it mean to stay well?"

We will continue to contemplate this question.

For next year,
we become "these people."

La Ampliacion: Part 1

These pictures, not to mention experiences, almost never happened!

Following the Chame youth group retreat, Esther and I booked it over to the Panama Canal expansion (on the Pacific side). For two years now, we've felt the explosions of the dynamite to make this structure, and we desperately wanted to check out the almost-finished product. Not only that, but Esther had informed me that for one day only, the Canal Expansion was going to be open to the Public. You would be able to walk right through the canal locks!!

Esther masterfully navigated (thanks to Pills' directions) to the parking lot in Panama Pacifica, and we loaded onto a bus from there. Now, out of the masses of people that were there, it "just so happened" that the Fernandez family from CCA (I have two of their boys in my classes) was on our same bus! What a fun surprise!

The Wait

We followed their lead in joining the enormous line snaking through the bus stop parking lot. The line led to a ramp that led to another set of buses that would take people over to the canal expansion.

Kathy Fernandez told me that this was actually their second time trying to get into the locks that day. They actually had to go home and change shoes. No sandals were allowed!

I looked down at my feet. I only had the versatile footwear I had used for retreat, my very sturdy Keens. Even so, Esther walked between me and the police officers who were sending people out of the line because of dress violations or having too young of kids to visit a construction site.

We had almost made it up the ramp, and I was getting pretty excited about the whole venture. In my mind, it felt like I was going on a Disney Ride, where you stand in line for an hour to experience the magic, yet I knew that this experience would be even better. This would be walking through a once-in-a-lifetime part of history! Once the locks were filled, you wouldn't be able to walk through them again!

Denied

As I near the crest of the ramp, the revolving turnstile entrance in plain view, a stern police officer says to me, "No chancletas" (No sandals.) And he motions to me to step out of the line. There are masses of people, and the look on his face tells me that he's not one to be argued with. Mr. Fernandez sees what happened and turns and throws me his keys, saying, "There's boots in my truck you can use!" How generous!

I clutch the keys, wondering how I'll ever find his car in the parking lot where there was such little space that we had to park on the grass. Sadly, I move out of line.

I tell Esther to go ahead. This is her dream, so she should go walk the locks without me. She's upset too, since we planned on sharing this trip together, but the rush of people are pushing her along, and she waves goodbye and disappears into the masses.

As I stand there contemplating whether to get the boots, Kathy calls over to me. "Laura!"
A huge sense of relief floods over me. Kathy, her little 5 year old son, and her friend were also pulled out of line, because her son was too young. I had people I knew still around, and that was a huge comfort.

We stand beside the line, and she tells me the size of the boots. They'd be too small, so we decide to just pass the time and catch up on her recent trip to the States. Meanwhile, we're watching the line pass us by and wondering how long it will be until we reunite with the others after their tour.

Our conversation is interrupted by a lady police officer, "Estan juntos?" ("Are you together?")

We look at each other and agree, "Si."

"Go ahead." She says in English.

"Wait..what??" I wonder aloud, surprised by this sudden change of mind.

The woman police officer had mercy on us and explained that I should just make sure to step carefully, and the little boy could go if he met the height requirement.

I was filled with elation. I would get to walk the expansion after all! We stride confidently toward the turnstile entrance. But my dreams are almost crushed a second time, as that same police officer says, "No. No pase." I flag down the merciful lady from earlier, who vouches for us, and gives us the right to pass to the other side.

Such undeserved grace! As I pass through the turnstile, a huge smile on my face, greeters hand me a Panama flag and a map of the locks. "Bienvenidos!"

I sprint toward the coach bus brimming with people and find my way to the last empty seat. I had made it. Now if I could only find Esther..

To be continued in: La Ampliacion: Part 2

The coach buses dropping off and picking up hundreds of visitors for this special one-day event. You can see it's somewhat flooded, so that must be why they didn't want anyone with sandals.

Where the canal doors will go (MASSIVE)

No special event in Panama is complete without the local music!

I've never been to the grand canyon, but I imagine it feels somewhat like walking through here.

There were all sorts of Patriotic things to do: Take a picture with the sign! #idontknowthesepeople

Take a picture inside a twitter sign and they'll post it on the site. There was a LONG line to do this.

They gave you all sorts of facts on the tour. None people would really remember, but once they did compare a measurement to how many bowls of rice that would be. LOL.

This is where the doors will go. Fortunately there was a little bridge over this part for the buses to pass.

Here's those facts you've been waiting for:

La Ampliacion: Part 2

These friendly volunteers handed out ice-cold water bottles to every visitor and were much obliged to take a photo with me.

Part 2, continued from Part 1

Like I said, it was a reminder of God's total undeserved grace getting to pass through the inspection and enter the canal locks. I tried to text Esther on the bus with an excited message, "They let me in!" and a plan to reunite afterward. But, possibly due to the other hundreds of people trying to access the data, my phone message would not go through. 

"Okay Lord," I silently prayed, looking out the window at the view of the construction. "You've brought me this far. Now, if it's your will, please please help me find Esther."

I knew it was a long shot, especially when we stepped off the bus, and there was such a large crowd of people that people were barely moving! Cheers rang out from a team of volunteers wearing "Soy Parte de La Historia" t-shirts. I really did feel like I was experiencing an unforgettable part of history!

I meandered through the crowd, enjoying the sights and joining others in gawking at the enormity and immensity of the project. I couldn't imagine how big the ships would be that would pass through this space. An incredible accomplishment, and this was built and owned by Panama!

Making my way around the coned off area, I glanced to my left. There was a crowd of maybe a hundred-or so people in just that small area, and I thought maybe they were looking at something. Turns out, they were only heading towards the exit, but couldn't move any faster, because there were so many people. I scanned the crowd, hoping against all hope that I would catch a glimpse of Esther.

Suddenly, I saw her. But not only did I see her, but she saw me, and she was waving at me!!

My eyes widened in shock, and I whooped for joy! She couldn't believe it either, and I signaled above the crowd, "I'll meet you over there!" pointing to a somewhat less crowded space on her side.

"What are the odds of finding Esther in such a massive amount of people??" I wondered as I slid by the multitudes of people with selfie sticks and Panama flags. 

"Well, you did ask me.." I imagined God gently tapping my shoulder as a reminder, "I'm here, and I'm all powerful. Why did you doubt?"

"Oh yeah.." I chuckled to myself, brimming with such undescribable joy. My God answers prayer! This was no mere coincidence. 

I made my way over to Esther, and we gave each other a huge hug. We started laughing, "I can't believe we found each other!" we said almost simultaneously agreeing.

And, of course, who should be coming over the bridge right behind us, but the Fernandez family. They had all made it as well! We made sure to take photo together, thanking God the whole time!

The tour concluded with a bus ride up to see the view from above, but I just couldn't get over the fact that Esther and I found each other! We stood admiring the view, but most of all, admiring the work of a loving and omnipotent God who answers prayer in personal and miraculous ways!

James 5:16b-18
"The prayer of righteous person is powerful and effective. Elijah was a human being, even as we are. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain and it did not rain on the land for three and half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops."

Chame Retreat 2015

Loading hula hoops and soccer balls into the trunk of my car, I prayed "for protection, for a fun time, and for honest conversations" for the weekend. I watched as over 100 students 6th-12th grade loaded onto two coach buses toting their sleeping bags and pillows. We were heading out for my first ever Chame youth group retreat, and I knew we were about to enter into a battle only God could win.

Thanks to Brennan's driving skills, with only one mandatory stop at Quesos Chela, we arrived safe and sound to the Chame Palabra de Vida (Word of Life) campground. I was amazed at the beauty of this part of Panama. I had been to the Palabra de Vida grounds before and heard of God's ministry through the Delibasich family and their volunteers. However, I had never stayed the night in the cabins or really explored the campus. 

I looked out over the vast terrain: soccer field, basketball court, pool, 4-5 cabins up the hill, an area for fogata (bonfire), a sheltered stage area with a kitchen attached. What a privilege it was to join together with 4 other churches in Panama, look out to the mountains, sing worship songs together, and remember our God!

Throughout the weekend, there were many sweet and hilarious moments:

• Playing fun variations of Capture the Flag 
• 1. With a Watermelon: When it broke, all the kids rushed to eat it!
• 2. At Night: We used glow sticks to designate teams and a large glow stick inside a clear, plastic soda bottle for the flags. It was mass chaos, as people chased each other across the field, not knowing for sure if someone was on their team, since many used "decoy" glow sticks to lure the other team into a trap. It was pretty funny to not see anything, than suddenly you see this floating, glowing bottle bobbing up and down the field super fast, illuminating a leg here or there and hearing the shouts of victory as the other team brought the "flag" successfully across to their side. My team lost pretty badly, but it was a game to remember for sure!
• Smashing "mystery sauce" pies into kids' faces in the Yes/No Game
• Super thankful to have some of the high school upperclassmen involved--they made the game 10x more entertaining, because they would throw the questions back at me or change the subject in a creative way. Even my lovely assistant got pied!
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• Having a conversation with a leader who I thought had just gotten proposed to
• Turns out, it was only her Quincenera ring worn on the left hand!
• Trying to balance and watching others attempt to balance on Brennan's slackline
• one of my friends was able to do it! impressive!
• Meeting leaders and students from different churches in Panama City
• Amazing to be part of God's larger story for reaching the youth of Panama for Christ!
• Rally Games
• Part of the sessions were a series of stations where each team (randomly chosen) had 15 minutes to complete a task
• Your team had to do everything from running dipped sponges up the hill from the pool to fill up a bucket to navigating a maze with your whole team tied together. It was a privilege to watch as the team cheered each other on and followed John's clear leadership. #go_green_team
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• Bonfire time
• The Fogata was so raging hot that no one wanted to get near to make the S'mores, so we just passed out all the ingredients afterward and the students still loved it!
• Had an awesome, honest talk with a girl in my small group for the weekend, named Nicole. She shared how she first came to know Christ when she was 9 years old through attending a similar Chame retreat. This time, she was recommitting her life to Him, to serve Him through thick and thin. Wow!

Zoom In

Unlike my talented brother and sister-in-law, I don't have the gift for photography or even naturally spotting the details, but I will do my best to capture some word pictures to allow you to see what the retreat taught me.

1. Humility

Being a leader for the retreat, I had different duties and responsibilities to fulfill during the weekend. It is easy for me to get in "servant" mode, and not spend as much time with the students, which is of FAR more importance in the long run. Well, this weekend, I got an equal dose of both!

Whenever I went to prepare a game/activity or help clean up something, there was a small crew of middle schoolers who came over and asked if I needed help. And letting go of this control over the activities/details, I felt more peace, could relax and enjoy just being with them. Not only that, but we had a blast working together! We were able to laugh at and with each other as we squirted strange-colored concoctions into tinfoil to-go boxes for the Yes/No game or as we picked up trash off the field. Not to mention my small group girls (freshmen and sophomores) I was extremely humbled and grateful to everyone who led by example and helped out during the weekend.

2. Vulnerability/Tell your story!

One of the most beautiful parts of the weekend was that my close friends, Danae and Paulo (engaged to be married: July 2015!), were the retreat speakers. To know them both, is to know that they have undergone incredible transformation and growth in Jesus in the past three years of knowing each other. And, unlike, typical retreat speakers, they're willing to admit publicly that they're not perfect. 

Yes, the theme/message of the retreat was on the Unity of the Church through loving God and loving people, but Paulo and Danae shared with us much more than the cookie-cutter salvation message. They were real, and they made the Truth real.

Paulo and Danae started off by saying something to the effect of "We are a mess. In fact, everyone is. But God loves that mess. He made you, and sees a masterpiece in you." After they said this, I noticed a collective sense of relief pass through the students. These people are going to be honest. I can trust them.

Within the next three sessions, Paulo and Danae each laid bare their soul and shared about their personal journeys with Jesus. Their testimonies were raw, gripping, and vulnerable. It reminded me of God's power to rescue us from desperate situations, anger, bitterness, perfectionism, and self loathing.

Jesus rescues us from addictions to porn, struggles with lust, and the need to bully others, and replaces them with a new spirit, a new person. A person who is so consumed with Jesus that he gives his thoughts over to Him, who is overcome with God's love and this pours out of his soul to foster life-giving relationships, other-centered decisions, and an ability to love fully, comfort others, and be merciful in all circumstances.

God rescues us from perfectionism, a striving to achieve more and do better than everyone else. He rescues us from a competitive nature that pushes us toward the World's temporary pleasures in order to feel accepted and popular and rescues us from the need to feel in control of a life that is slowly crumbling around us. A time when we stop eating, hating ourselves, pushing outwards on the pillars of our life to hold them up, but the pressure and the weight of the problem is increasing, and your arms no longer have the strength.

Jesus rescues! He pulls us out from the rubble and places us in a safe place with walls and a foundation that will neither crumble nor fall. He replaces that desire to control with an unyielding trust in Him. He replaces that fight to belong, that self-loathing and struggle with comparison with the words, "You're mine." He replaces those temporary pleasures with an enduring truth, a satisfaction that lasts.

Jesus affirms our true identity and destroys the Deceiver's strongholds and lies!

Because.. He loves us.

And we are His Masterpiece.

Thank you so much Danae and Paulo for humbling yourselves and sharing these truths with us this weekend! Thank you to George for the vision and for your leadership in uniting the youth groups of Panama City to share in this experience. For these messages are truths that will last much longer than a day and a half retreat. These truths and stories will transform lives!!